(Note:  If you think writing for this site is easy, YOU try to sit there and come up with something creative about Arkansas Freakin State, aight?)

From the recently discovered Directional School Scrolls, an apocryphal text which is not formally part of the Great Tome of Saban, but which will be studied in great detail and considered for further addition thereto:

“In the days when the Dark Lord first came to the Promised Lands, and before his Grand Army was organized to his pleasure, his men were waylaid by a rouge band of barbarians who came from the lands even past the swamps and the bayous where the Great Saban had once raised his army of champions.  Though the barbarians were thought to be few in number and weak in spirit, Saban’s men knew not yet the ways of The Process and their competitive desire relative to their dedication to perseverance was still weak, and thus they fell in defeat.  But the Great Saban stood before his people, and he took the brunt of the defeat on his broad shoulders, and he said, ‘Never again shall you see your Army fall in defeat to such a foe, aight?  I would relinquish all the Debbie Cookies in all the world for all my days than to see this shame befall my people again.’

But even in the year of the rising of the Grand Army, barbarian tribes spoke to one another about the shocking defeat, and many chieftains whispered of catching the Dark Lord off guard again and plundering his great wealth.  And one such chieftain made ready his army, but he told them not where they were to be marching, as the Dark Lord had marched to their region that very season and had laid waste to the army of a great general there, and the chieftain feared that his men would lose heart if they knew that they marched to face the Dark Lord in his own abode.

And although few along the path talked of their coming, the Dark Lord sensed that danger approached, and he went to his men and said, ‘My sons, ready yourselves for battle.  Those who fight you will not be the strongest you see, nor will they be the fastest.  Nor will they be the most skillful relative to their tactics relative to succeeding relative to securing victory.  But they shall have heart and spirit, and when they see you their eyes will burn with greed, and their greed shall devour you as I devour my Debbie cookie if you sit there prone, waiting to be upwrapped.  Think not that you fight only this foe, but you fight the hearts and minds of every foe that awaits you!  Unleash all that I have taught you, and may those who hear of your deeds fear The Process, and cause soiling relative to their finest linens!’

And the Grand Army prepared for battle, and the wiley veterans who had lived through the barbarian defeat harshly warned the bright eyed young soldiers that failure would not be tolerated.”