Athenianhound1, a follower of the Athenian Hound who was spared in the days following The Fall of the Great Kangaroo (no doubt because the Great Saban foresaw that he was necessary for this very post) has directed us to this heartwarming clip of one of the Cursed Ones of the Eastern Wastelands being converted into the Everlasting Brotherhood that is the Church of Saban.  Enjoy…but not at work, for some of the brethren, in their joy, used some language which is usually employed only by the Dark Lord when his army displeases him.

It’s been a hard couple of weeks in the Eastern Wastelands:

The journey to the spread and back has been long and arduous:

And in The Process, The Guru had been slain:

And some wondered if The Great Ears still possessed the desire to do great things:

But this week, old battle tactics were renewed, and the Cursed Ones had hope:

For The Great Ears’ army came out like rabid wolves, and early did they dominate the opposition, and the Cursed Ones were fooled into happiness:

But the opposition roared back, and The Great Ears was displeased with the response of his men, and he took from them their campfires:

But this did not stir them, and The Great Ears was deeply saddened:

And his men dropped their swords and refused to fight:

And the Cursed Ones knew what they now faced:

Brothers and Sisters in Saban, we bring to you today a special Monday message.  As you have no doubt noticed, the Eastern Wastelands are in turmoil.  Many of you have long waited to see this, but myself and the rest of the Council had no doubt that such tribulations lay ahead of them.  Why?  It was foretold…

From the Book of the Process:

“For years and years The Great Ears dwelt in the Eastern Wastelands, and he rallied the outcasts that dwelt there to his cause.  And their numbers grew as strong as their odor, and in time their warriors outnumbered the cattle in their fields.  The warriors studied the art of war, and naught else, and the Army of the Ears brought war to The Promised Lands, and those people were waylaid time and time again.

But when the Dark Lord appeared, a great black cloud formed over the Eastern Wastelands.  Those cursed people saw it, and many of them said, ‘We have seen this clouds before, and nary a storm have they brought!’  But some of their wisest elders said, ‘These clouds are the darkest we have seen since The Most Exalted dwelt in The Promised Lands.’

Hearing these elders, The Great Ears panicked, and he cast aside his old ways, and he tried to make his battle tactics anew.  But time after time, his new ways failed, and his followers longed for the armies of years long past.   They said, ‘Great Ears, why have you brought this upon us?’  And he said, ‘It was not I, but the Guru who has forsaken you!’ And because The Guru had come to them with a new voice which they always doubted, they believed this fable, and The Guru was stoned.  Battle came again to the Eastern Wastelands, and again The Great Ears was forced into defeat, and the followers again said, ‘Great Ears, why have you brought this upon us?’  And he said, ‘It was not I, but my field generals who have forsaken you!’  And because they always doubted their field generals, they believed this fable, and the field generals were stoned.  Yet after this the Great Ears was defeated again and again, and he looked around him, and there was no one left to serve to the angry masses, and this spelled his demise.  The people came to him, and he was thrown to the farm animals, and the farm animals knew him, and then he was stoned.  And when the Dark Lord heard of this, he told his followers, ‘Learn well the lesson of the Eastern Wastelands, aight.  When you stand in the way of The Process, you shall be trodden asunder, and I shall be the master relative to the ownership of your buttocks.’”