The Great Saban once said, "My children, listen well:  there is a Beast of the West that will ride in a chariot of silver and blood, yet even the wheels of his chariot will not spin with the haste of his feet." (Book of Steele, 21: 1). 

Great as the Beast may be, the Oracle sees doom in the future for one with whom he travels.  The natives of his land are restless, and they are an unforgiving brood.  His future looks bleak, and he may soon be out of the limelight and struggling to find work with Ozark Championship Wrestling.  On the bright side, the Oracle sees that his new status will find him unburdened with excess text messages from lady friends. 

However, the heartbreak of one week often leads to the elation of another.  Fresh off their victory over the Cardinals Papa John’s Fighting Cheesebreads, the Wildcats will travel to Fayetteville with high hopes and high confidence.  Yet if they think they will stop the Beast, the Oracle thinks they’re just high.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Arkansas 41, Kentucky 38 (the Oracle believes in poetic justice)

Great and terrible have been the heartaches suffered by the Mighty Tigeagplainsmen of late.  Even the Oracle could not foresee the unthinkable defeat that they suffered last Saturday.  However, he could have seen it live had he wished, as all faithful Sabanists know that fans dressed like empty seats love it when a wise Oracle sits in their lap. 

No such problems lie in the immediate future for the followers of the Cavernous Ears.  Coach Mumme will have his soldiers ready for battle, but they shall be confused and terrified when they delve into the deep of the jungle and find no walls on the sideline or nets in the endzone.

The Oracle sees the Young Savior laying waste to North Mexico Community College.  Perhaps it will be enough to buy the Earful One a week with no Fear of the Lear. 

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Auburn 35, Honduran Air Force 15

The Oracle says, in its infinite wisdom, if you haven’t got the Great Saban, you’ve settled for Les. 

Although he’ll play any sucker in the country, he gets no sucker this weekend.  Yes, the False Idol, who many among us stooped to worship, believing that he was the great boon the prophecies foretold, will walk through the valley of death.  He comes without favor, but the Oracle does not expect his Cocks to wither. 

The Oracle does, however, expect that the Cocks will be beat like they owe Les money.  The Oracle finds this strange, as if anyone owes anyone else money, it is surely Les in debt to the Great Saban.  The Strange One inherited a castle full of gold…he needed only to stand back and let er’ rip.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  LSU 38, South Carolina 19

The Oracle tried to research Mississippi State’s opponent on the Internet before making this post, but unfortunately, they do not have a web site.  Well, they have one, but all it contains is a little animated man with a hard-hat and an "Under Construction" banner.  The Oracle does recognize, however, that the Bulldogs’ worthy opponent is still probably better than Western Carolina.

He bets that unlike the Honorable Muschamp, whom the Great Saban cast into the lake of fire, they can figure out that Croom’s going to run a draw every 3rd down, as well.

In an explosion of offense, the likes of which has not been seen in Starkville for 1000 fortnights, will cast the Gardner-Webbians aside and draw them asunder.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Mississippi State 13, Gardner-Webb 0

The Oracle looked long into the hearts of the Rebel faithful…and he saw a scene that looked something like this:

But, oh sorrow, no libation shall bring pleasure to those tortured hearts this weekend.  Though the Ogre may bellow from the base of his loins (a place we hope we never see), it falls on deaf ears.  Though they call on the bravery of Robert Edward Lee, they find only victory in Evan Freakin Williams. 

Meanwhile, the Angel shall rally his troops again, and they shall love him again…but not in that way.  And also in that way:

Joiner, who is Tebow’s roommate, said the kiss was his way of showing his love for his friend and roommate.

"That’s my roommate. I love him," Joiner said. "We’ve grown close. That’s not the first time I’ve kissed him."

The Oracle just threw up in its Great and Terrible mouth a little bit.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  FLORIDA 113, OLE MISS -4

We will now begin the process of looking to the Great Sabanic Oracle, who will reward our faithfulness to the Great Saban by letting us look to the future and see the outcome of this next weekend’s games. We will start with the game of which the Oracle is most sure…Vandy vs. Bye.

The good Coach Steve Martin will attempt to keep his forces focused this week after a victory over the Ogre of the West. This is made easier by the fact that bye weeks at Vandy are much like game weeks…much serious study will still be had on Saturday afternoon in the library. Still, the Scholars are still the Scholars, and they will still find some way to make this look difficult.

THE ORACLE SAYS: Vanderbilt 11, Bye 2

Much has been made of late by the stunning success that the Great Saban has achieved in his first full recruiting year. I am here to tell you, brothers and sisters, that these victories are not stunning. They were foretold.

As the Bishop of the Church of Saban, protector of the Verses and Guardian of the Faith, I now impart this ancient wisdom to you. There are some that say, “Those are just vague prophecies that you interpret into meaning something after the fact, like Nostradamus’s quatrains.” Those people say that no longer, as all were killed by hepatitis shortly after making that statement.

We will begin with a prayer: Great Saban, who has come to deliver us from the shackles of mediocrity and the bounds of despair, we thank you, our Great Emancipator, for the blessings which you bring us, and the victories yet to come. Amen.

Now prepare you hearts and minds to hear the words of Saban:

The verse that foretells the commitments from our many Mobile recruits, The Book of Steele, 2:1-5: “The foolish went to the sea, and they said, ‘Here, no fruits are borne.’ But I go to the sea, and I say, ‘Lo, here is the planting grounds of a fertile crop.’ The foolish went to the sea and said, ‘The sheep of this pasture shall follow others.’ But I go to the sea, and I say, ‘Lo, the sheep of this pasture shall follow me.’”

Specifically, the next verses, Steele 2:6-8, mention the St. Paul players, including AJ McCarron for 09: “And by the sea, verily, four brothers shall see me and say, ‘Teacher, we must follow you!’ And they shall follow me, and leave their youngest behind to tend their lands. But my mercy is great, and even he shall one day join me in my kingdom.”

And Burton Scott…Steele 4:1-4: “The multitudes cried to him, and said, ‘Teacher, how should we praise you? Should we praise you with our mouths? Should you praise you with our wealth? Should we praise you with our deeds?’ And he said to them, ‘You should praise me with all those things, but above all, praise me vigor, for with vigor shall come a boon to my kingdom that none foresaw.’”

And Tyler Love…Book of the Process, 13:1-4: “And the Teacher traveled throughout the land, and stayed long in the city where many multitudes dwelt. And after he taught there, he went over the mountain, where dwelt those of great wealth who knew not the greatness of his teachings. When he began his teaching there, upon him came a giant, but he was not afraid. The Teacher said, ‘Come,’ and the giant forsook his home and followed.”

Corey Smith…the kicker. Book of Arenas, 2:9-13: “The people came to him and said, ‘Teacher, our foes strike from so far away! The swing of their feet shall bring us defeat!’ And he replied, ‘Fools! Do you doubt that I will have the one who also strikes from far away? From my homeland he shall come, and those who fail me shall be cast aside.’”

I hesitate to even bring this up…but I’ll impart these words of Saban to you, and you decide for yourselves how it should be interpreted. Gospel of Saban, 19:1-7: “The Teacher again went to the sea, where the greatest among the warriors dwelt, and the Teacher said, “Follow me.” But the warrior did not follow. After a while, the Teacher went back to the sea, and he said to the warrior, “Follow me.” But the warrior did not follow. And on the day before the Teacher was to assemble his great army, he went to the sea once more, and he said to the warrior, “Follow me.” And the warrior followed, and the Teacher’s army was made strong.”

From the Book of Applewhite, 19:1-2:

Remember well my battle with the Beast. My voice was not strained, as the roar of my many silenced the cries of his few.

Brothers and sisters in Saban,

Tonight, I sensed much fear at The Temple.  I can understand why you may have had fear in your hearts; for so long, false leaders have buoyed your spirit, only to dash your hopes.  However, you should not have fear as you have in the past, for it is written, “Fools!  Do not doubt me as you doubted the one that came before me, for he was but a child, but I am a man.” (1st Moore 3:12-13).

In fact, the glorious events of this evening were foretold in the Great Saban’s sermon to the believers at Fort Deposit.  Reading from the Book of the Process, chapters 17-19:

“And after they ate together, the Teacher said, ‘Come close, my friends, and I will tell you of a day of triumph yet to come.  It is a day where the sun will burn bright, and then be covered by the darkest cloud…but it will burn through the cloud, and be brighter than ever.’

And one of the followers said, ‘Teacher, tell us, why will the sun burn through the clouds?  In the past, when the clouds came, the rain was sure to follow.’  And the Great Leader said, ‘Verily, the present is not the past.’

And he continued his story, saying, ‘A great battle will be had between my followers and the poor pigs from the desolate lands west of the Great River.  They will be led by a man of great distinction, for he is more Beast than man.  He will know not fear nor pain, and the strikes of my forces shall not harm him, but will bounce off him like the arrow that strikes the armor.  His armies shall be pushed back, and our victory will look sure, but I will know that victory is not sure.  The Beast shall rally his men, and they shall cry, ‘We shall take this day!’  But know well, my children, I will tell my general, ‘This is your time,’ and he shall know it is his time, and he shall fight like we have not yet seen him fight before.  Victory shall be tasted by all who follow me, and verily I say to you, you all shall fall upon your knees and praise me this day.’ 

One of them said, ‘But Teacher, we already praise you.’  And he said, “Child, you praise me now as the farmer praises the vine that is newly planted.  He knows that it will bear fruit, but he has not yet seen the fruit.  You have seen my vine; after this victory, you shall know my fruit.”