We’re sure that you’ve all read by now that The One With Supple Breasts has been selling information to Texas A&M followers for the low, low price of $1,200 per year. Since The One With Supple Breasts is no doubt a salesman of great force and skill, we do not doubt that there were many takers.

The Church of Saban, through its sundry connections of the Faithful throughout the country, have obtained a copy of the last newsletter that The One With Supple Breasts sent to his loyal paying custom…I mean fans. We now enlighten your eyes with a snippet this information:

Loyal Supporters of Texas A&M, what a great week it’s been here at the Dennis Franchione Honorary Football Complex. Although some “Debbie Downers” are viewing our slight non-win against Miami as a negative, we can assure you that such a name is nothing more than a learning experience. What did we learn? Well, we saw what happens when the players fail to execute my brilliant and in-every-way-perfect gameplan. Did you see those holes being opened on my famous smoke draw? The Hurricane defense had no idea what to do! If only my 335 pound tailback would hit the hole quickly LIKE I INSTRUCTED HIM TO we would have blown the Hurricanes out of their own stadium like a mild tropical depression. Yes, friends, trust me…it’s not my fault. It’s all their fault. For the love of Sam Houston, and all that is holy, please believe it’s not my fault! Please don’t fire me! I financed my augmentation surgery!…..”

Your Good Reverend Doctor consulted the Oracle about what the future holds for The One With Supple Breasts…and to the Followers of the Boobs, weep, for I must tell you, the future holds no favor for your master. And to those Aggies that are Enemies of the Boobs…rejoice, for the future holds no favor for your master.

The Oracle would first like to congratulate the Greater Bulldogs for their victory over the forces of the Great Saban last week.  The Great Saban has great respect for those who best his men fairly on the field of battle, and your doom will be swift and merciful once He has returned his forces to their former glory.  This week, however, no doom shall befall you, as your strength will be so stout that even the most booming of Ogre chest bumps will not be able to rally his troops.

What is it with Mississippi schools and poor quarterback play?  The Oracle believes that it must be in the water…perhaps caused by the deadly mixture of tears and Evan Williams Green Label that filters into Magnolia State groundwater after almost every home game.  However, even if the Rebels had a quarterback, we’re sure the Ogre would find some way to mess him up.  Surely the reign of the Ogre is nearing an end.  The Oracle foresees this, as he had a vision where Colonel Reb was in the middle of Vaught-Hemmingway, doing something like this:

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Georgia 34, Ole Miss 15

The Oracle has seen some leadership mismatches in his time…Julius Caesar vs. the Gauls, George Washington vs. Lord Charles Cornwallis, Apollo Creed vs. The Big Russian Who Hung Around With Flavor Flav’s Amazon Girlfriend…but he has seen fewer fights more lopsided than a coaching match between Steve Spurrier and Sly Croom.  If this were a boxing match, there would only be one result…the need for paramedics.

Fortunately for the Lesser Bulldogs, this game is not always dependent on coaching prowess, and they have a defense that might keep them in the game against a struggling Gamecock offense.  However, we’re sure that at some point they will realize, "We are Mississippi State, and we have won two games in a row," and take steps to remedy this strange situation through, most likely, brilliant QB play from whichever male MSU student that was selected to lead the Bulldog offense through the regular, "Golden Flake Pork Rinds ‘Top Dawg’ Quarterback Fantasy Sweepstakes."  Yes, friends, the Oracle foresees that the MSU QB conundrum will grow so dire that Bulldog fans will be longing for the days of…no, I dare not say it.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  South Carolina 23, Croom’s Red Cross 9

The Oracle is becoming very upset with the Wisest of the SEC.  Last week you play no one, this week you play a team that the Oracle doesn’t believe actually exists.  This is an insult to the Oracle’s skills in foretelling the unknown.

However, the prediction must go forward.  After a tough loss to the Great Saban, Vandy looked better against The Ogre than did the Angel and his minions.  To Florida’s credit, however, they looked about as excited to be in Oxford as a Gator booster club contingent in a restaurant with a "No Jorts" policy (Mighty Gators:  we kid…please don’t hurt us).  This week, the Commodores will devour Northwestern Idaho A&M or whatever just as their coach devours twinkies on his birthday.

Since their opponent leaves much to be desired this week, the Vandy players were able to spend the week brushing up on other athletic pursuits…including the following.  The Oracle hopes that they are thankful for this activity, as he foresees that they are the only SEC team that has been able to figure out how to successfully operate this magic game machine.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Vanderbilt 38, Team Vanderbilt is Playing 11

The Oracle foresaw victory for the Tigeagplainsmen last week, and it came to pass.  This week, however, they do not sit within the comforts of home awaiting an opponent from a state who’s main export is sand.  Nay, this week they must face the Angel and his cohorts, and the Angel is ready to carry his team to victory if necessary.

They had a great victory last week.  They had an explosion of points.  They had the news that the 2nd dumbest looking person named Lester in the SEC would return soon.  However, they did not find the magic bullet needed to defeat their Reptilian foes.

The One With Cavernous Ears may try to run, but his forces will prevent him from doing so.  The elephant has the best memory, but unfortunately for the One With Cavernous Ears, even a Gator can remember events only one year past.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Tim Tebow 42, The Newly Resurgent Auburn Tigers (Destroyers of Aggies and Champions of Mumme) 13

The Oracle watched in awe as the Tangelo Warriors were laid waste by the Angel and his friends with privileges.  Now that more manageable fare is back on the menu, we’re hoping that the Rotund One will get his appetite back.

The Oracle foresees a buffet line of good tidings for the Vols this Saturday, as they receive some Sun Belt tonic for their dark wounds.  Once again, the Indians will meet foes in coonskin caps in the hills of the Appalachians, and the Oracle foresees this contest too look much like the first, as the men in coonskin have superior firepower that will grab huge tracts of land without looking back.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Tennessee 41, Arkansas State 13

The Great Saban once said, "My children, listen well:  there is a Beast of the West that will ride in a chariot of silver and blood, yet even the wheels of his chariot will not spin with the haste of his feet." (Book of Steele, 21: 1). 

Great as the Beast may be, the Oracle sees doom in the future for one with whom he travels.  The natives of his land are restless, and they are an unforgiving brood.  His future looks bleak, and he may soon be out of the limelight and struggling to find work with Ozark Championship Wrestling.  On the bright side, the Oracle sees that his new status will find him unburdened with excess text messages from lady friends. 

However, the heartbreak of one week often leads to the elation of another.  Fresh off their victory over the Cardinals Papa John’s Fighting Cheesebreads, the Wildcats will travel to Fayetteville with high hopes and high confidence.  Yet if they think they will stop the Beast, the Oracle thinks they’re just high.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Arkansas 41, Kentucky 38 (the Oracle believes in poetic justice)

Great and terrible have been the heartaches suffered by the Mighty Tigeagplainsmen of late.  Even the Oracle could not foresee the unthinkable defeat that they suffered last Saturday.  However, he could have seen it live had he wished, as all faithful Sabanists know that fans dressed like empty seats love it when a wise Oracle sits in their lap. 

No such problems lie in the immediate future for the followers of the Cavernous Ears.  Coach Mumme will have his soldiers ready for battle, but they shall be confused and terrified when they delve into the deep of the jungle and find no walls on the sideline or nets in the endzone.

The Oracle sees the Young Savior laying waste to North Mexico Community College.  Perhaps it will be enough to buy the Earful One a week with no Fear of the Lear. 

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Auburn 35, Honduran Air Force 15

The Oracle says, in its infinite wisdom, if you haven’t got the Great Saban, you’ve settled for Les. 

Although he’ll play any sucker in the country, he gets no sucker this weekend.  Yes, the False Idol, who many among us stooped to worship, believing that he was the great boon the prophecies foretold, will walk through the valley of death.  He comes without favor, but the Oracle does not expect his Cocks to wither. 

The Oracle does, however, expect that the Cocks will be beat like they owe Les money.  The Oracle finds this strange, as if anyone owes anyone else money, it is surely Les in debt to the Great Saban.  The Strange One inherited a castle full of gold…he needed only to stand back and let er’ rip.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  LSU 38, South Carolina 19

The Oracle tried to research Mississippi State’s opponent on the Internet before making this post, but unfortunately, they do not have a web site.  Well, they have one, but all it contains is a little animated man with a hard-hat and an "Under Construction" banner.  The Oracle does recognize, however, that the Bulldogs’ worthy opponent is still probably better than Western Carolina.

He bets that unlike the Honorable Muschamp, whom the Great Saban cast into the lake of fire, they can figure out that Croom’s going to run a draw every 3rd down, as well.

In an explosion of offense, the likes of which has not been seen in Starkville for 1000 fortnights, will cast the Gardner-Webbians aside and draw them asunder.

THE ORACLE SAYS:  Mississippi State 13, Gardner-Webb 0